Drove to Nature

I was not feeling good this last week Bella was up a lot with Asthma stuff and so I packed them in the car and thought we are going to Ikea and just look around. I got all ready and they fell asleep in the car. So I decided to play fair, and just keep driving, got some drive through starcrack! Perfect way to get more energy if you ask me. Then I went and filled my gas tank and the girls continued to sleep. I paid and it came out to twenty six dollars, so I began to ponder where can I drive to and not have to get out of the car. I knew it Crown Point in the Colombia River Gorge. So I took marine drive the scenic drive all they way up to the mountain. I got to pray and worship God it was fabulous. The kids kept sleeping and I kept praising Him as I looked into nature from the safety of my car of course!!!!lol lol....Then I got to the top and God began to speak to me and it was wonderful. Nature really reminds me of the greatness of God and How amazing and creative he is really is. All the colors and mountains and waterfalls simply breathtaking. As I looked Bella got up and it was so fun showing her all the wonderful beauty that God has made for us. I cried tears of pure joy at what Gods Goodness provides for us. I was rejuvenated by his artwork he created for us to breath in and reflect on the creator of it all.I took a lot of deep breaths in and asked God to continue his work in me and to give me the focus to walk with Him. The desire to hear Him and whats he wants to say to me. It was really a very deep spiritual moment being out there in the woods alone with God. So then I came home and oh there is an outlet mall lets hit it!!!!!Got real excited to go to gap and then took my little ones out with fresh energy and zeal and Brasil had blown out her outfit with number two. It was nice I took some deep breaths and pumped myself up you can do this girl its all you!!!!So I got all the wipes I could and began to bathe Brasil with them. I think I used a half a box of them on her rear. Then I got to a bathroom disinfected my hands and got after Gap in a major way!!!Totally fun day!!!!!Kids are amazingly good for me in all ways shapes and forms!!!!!

Bella and sister time

Bella is coming alive in her emotions to Brasil. She said to Brasil all day, "come here little sista I love you" and kissed her on her forehead! This was beautiful to watch and then brasil snuggled with her. I am becoming a sappy woman later on in life, but that was a moment that had to be written about. I love these two they are so sweet and bring a tenderness out of me that I really did not know was there. I love how they are changing me and tenderizing me everyday!These are the moments that make be joyful.

The Journey

I have been thinking lately how hard it is to walk with God when times are hard but when life is a bit boring or mundane. I stay home with the girls and at times can go crazy being home with two toddlers. I find it hard to at times to simply and faithfully walk with the Lord on a daily bases. I also have had a year to transition back to Portland and am getting into my grove again in life. But the last year was very difficult to accept and deal with. So all of last year was a year of transition and its was a time to reflect during nap times and a time to adjust to having two kids. One year later its getting easier and I a finding that a year of reflection and isolation had left me starved for human interaction. But I also learned valuable lessons in isolation. I learned I have been a work horse and that Tory and I needed to become more one in our marriage. I learned that I don't like change and that change is really good for me. I learned that I like things to go my way or the high way and that was hard to see in me but a great reminder that I still need the cross. I learned that I loved the approval of people above Gods. I learned that some of the ways I approached ministry must change and that is wonderful to the soul. I learned that I am a minister from the depth of my soul and that God had too challenge me on all fronts to bring me out a better wife, friend, and minister. I also learned that my daughter having asthma has been very hard to deal with but has kept me on my knees!!!!I don't know about you but I forget about God in Good times and in bad times I get angry with Him. I wish that were different, but hopefully I mature in time. I know He is patient though as I am with my daughters when they make a mess out of themselves. I have learned many lessons out of tremendous pain and pressure, but I feel like I have a better perspective on life and God then I have had since I got saved. He is a very loving and gentle father who sees our pain and longs to be with us an a intimate way. I love God for that. I live in a forest really we have like five huge fur trees in my backyard I have looked out in the morning or afternoon and remembered the greatness of God. My backyard reminds me of nature and how God made it for us and its a healing thing to be in it.I am from a worn torn nation, a dysfunctional family, and am a broken person, and when I think back on my history personally I see that God was there when I was sad, mad, happy, and angry!I love this God who does not falter even when we want to give up on life. I am so glad he does not fail and meets us when we are broken and need him the most. I love the Lord with all my soul and can now see through that darkness and am really excited about it the light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!!!!God has always some through for me in the last hour and its been great to see his working hand. I cant always see what he is doing but I love the results he brings me. I also pray that I can simply walk with him when I was younger I ran for God and with and from Him at times, now I want to walk, simply and faithfully walk with Him in Good Times and Bad Times. I want to mature in how I view life and trials.

Brasil's first Haloween Party!!!!!A blast!!!!!!!

calling all moms or anyone who has some wisdom

Do guys know of anything thats works when kids have a bad cold. I am looking for somthing natural.

Families Being Torn Apart!

Recently the Latino community has been a target for families being torn apart and mistreated.I have grown up in Oregon most of my life and it is not as diverse as let say California where a lot of El Salvadoreans escaped to during a civil war in the early 80's. People from all of central America were escaping left and right due to civil wars. I can remember as a kid seeing dead people and hearing bombs in the night. When we escaped it was at late at night and its was long and scary journey! I don't talk about it much because it was a dark moment and I would like to forget about. But recently I been reminded by all the injustice the Latino community is experiencing. I know there is an immigration problem we must try to solve. I don't know the answers all the way but ripping families apart and mistreating people, having raids in public libraries, storming work sites is not appropriate. My cousin was stoped recently and is now on his way to being deported back to El Salvador this is an out cry! He has been here since he was 11 years old and again escaped getting taken from his family to either be a guerrilla soldier or a the local army where a 11 year old. So we sent money and he went on the most dangerous journey of his life with my grandmother who was in 6o's at the time. Ludwin story is common he married a native American girl who they have been with each other for ten years. They have two kids together and one child who Ludwin has loved and accepted as his own. He has been in the system now for a month and a half. While he has been there his family has suffered greatly. They don't have an apartment anymore because he was trhe primary breadwinner and are living with family. This is an outrage and its happening all over the country. Latinos need to be respected and treated a lot different then this. We have served this country with our the labor of our hands and our country cant repay us this way. Children are suffering and in many cases both parents are being taken by the migra because they both work at the same place. What happens to the kids they are left with strangers and extended family. This is not right. My cousin is fortunate to a least have a lawyer but is still getting mistreated in the jail system. They are treated like unwanted dogs and criminals which I am sure some are but not everyone!!!!!!! I ask that you would care as a christian for Latinos and anyone that's an immigrant because the Bible tells us to. Right now I feel like this is where the Church and Christians need to stand up against injustice! Its important and at the very least we can pray and treat every Latino with respect and dignity we are real people with real families that are experiencing hardship in this great country! So I AM not mad or angry at anyone but am frustrated with the way our culture is handling this right now. People talk about this like there is a simple answer and there is not. I hope that we just have some mercy honor the work of the latino community better then our legal sysytem and our government is handling this at this time. So friends and family please pray for me becasue I am about to get involved in the my community and through service to them and hope you find a way to care about people who need your help here right at home in the US.

Yes Finally I am a Baker !!!!!!!!

I have always wanted to make chocolate chips and finally I did it thanks to my friend Mel Lute!! I love you girl!!!!!!!And T does too!!!!!!!Yummy they are the best!!!!!!!I am having about three or four tonight. I have tried to make these for seven years yes seven year as long as I have been married. I have been so discouraged about it that I started to buy store bought dough! I have always wanted to teach my girls and I thought maybe I just won't be able too. I have to work at cooking and baking its really not instinct like others are blessed with like my hubby he can make pies really anything. But finally I baked something good, and I even made vegan ones for Ms Bella. I feel like Mrs. Betty Crocker Herself!!!!!!!!!My friend actually had to come to my house and show me the ropes in the kitchen! Because really I thought I was a lost cause and she just whipped them up so fast and gave me hope!!!!!!! I have been changed and saved from the thought that I can't bake! I need to know what sift means in baking term? A lot more to learn.....hopefully now I will be more adventures with my mad baking skills. My mommy did not bake growing up so I have never grown up with it..sound crazy but that's on the real! lol lol...

Coffee or No Coffee?

I love coffee I have drank coffee since I was Four on the real. We lived in El Salvador until I was five and its very common for kids to drink coffee due to bacteria being in water its better then straight up water. I know crazy fact, but I have been thinking about giving it up. I drink one cup a day and love it. I use way too much sugar in it and when I go to Starbucks I ask for house coffee with six sugars and cream I think that's probably not good for me. I should just get a mocha or something. But I love black coffee doctored up! I grew up in a Latin family so we would have pan dulce and coffee in the morning that's is very common. I also loved waking up and having refried beans,ripe fried plantain, and sour cream, and coffee and pan dulce. (Donut) so I have been doing that routine for twenty- eight years. I have tried to break it but its so ingrained. I love it. I have been able to go with out it one week and then I am back to the same routine pan dulce and coffee as my breakfast. But I want to be more healthy and I am trying to at least have a bowl of cereal in the morning. I am down to three or four sugars and less cream but I still love pan dulce and since I love my routine I have to have it together a little ocd just comes over me I guess! So I am on this kick again we will see how long I can keep this up.

Adult time!

So I was at a friends house for her birthday party and she had other moms there except one lady who was not a mom. So I am such an observer that night we all just chatted away it was to fun.The lady who did not have kids was a little uncomfortable because we all talked about our kids and our labor for like thirty minutes. So I tried to change the subject so we could included her but to no avail. You should have see these women it was like we hadn't got out an a while but we still talked about our kids a lot.Poor lady I hope she had fun that night. I got home and thought about my night and pondered did I talk too much? I spend so much time with my kids that at times when I don't have them I forget how to hang out with adults. I had such a good time being a grown up and being just Roxy that I made jokes had fun conversing about politics and life that I forgot how good it feels to have time with grown ups and to be there with out my kids!!Don't get me wrong I love my kids but when you spend all your time with them it's refreshing to get away. Anyways I hope I did not talk too much that wonderful night. And I hope that the lady still want to some day have kids because we gave her details she did not need to hear about!!!! LOL LOL!

My dew is growing back!!!!!!

So I moved to Portland a year ago, and had just had a baby. I decided to cut my hair off in tribute of just having Brasil. So I cut off all my hair to the shortest I have ever had it. It was defiantly fun and easy! I loved it and then it started to grow and expand in the roundish sector, froish sector! I mean like the stars want but cant have! But that everyday people can't sport! So finally two days ago I could start to pull it back it felt so great not have to blow dry it to make it look descent. I am thrilled to finally be a girl again. I now have to figure out how I want to sport it for the fall! I am up for any advice!

Brasil tricked Me!!!!!!!

So Brasil has been with a fever since Sunday and the fever has not broke. So I have been a bit worried about it. And Tory and I have not slept through the night this week! We were up again with her last night and she was really crying hard and throwing herself all over our bed. So you must understand Brasil is very content and mild mannered thus far. So Tory and I tried to do everything we know Brasil likes. We got her a bottle, we kissed her, we sang to her, we exhausted ourselves. So then when she would not stop crying we just prayed what else is left right? So she finally fell asleep and then she was up again carrying on. So the super mom syndrome came over me and I said I am taking her to the hospital at 2am. So I got her bottle and dashed out the door! Brasil slept all the way there and I started to have second thoughts if I should just go home. So I went on and we rushed into the ER. We go in there and as we get checked in Brasil is laughing away wanting to play and talk to everyone. But I just told myself she is so sick she is not in reality right now!!!!!!So the doctor comes in and she is laughing and eating her graham cracker. The doctor ask me so whats wrong with her? I feel really stupid right now I explain how she had just 30minutes ago been in pain and agony that I felt helpless and came to see you. So he check her and everything was great. He told me just keep her fluids up!So I said what about a chest xray or a blood test. My mom just came back from central America and had a bug do you think she caught it? The Doctor looked at me like I was on something. I said look doc my husband is going to laugh at me please find something wrong with this child. He laughed and said just tell him she has an acute viral infection and smirked out the room....Darn I am going home with a singing happy baby...don't get me wrong I am thankful she was feeling better but I was dreading Tory saying I told you so! So then the call comes in its T and I answer and he says whats that noise and I say oh that's your daughter singing and laughing at Mommy. So then T starts laughing and then I start laughing. That Brasil is a piece of work I tell you.

The Walker for and only for Aunti Princess

Brasil has a song in her heart.

More Makeover Pics!

New Decor

Hey found I had a gift card so I went to Ikea immediately and to Walmart for yellow spray paint! Tory recovered the chairs with brown material which cost 12 dollars,(Yes T ROCKS HE FOUND HIS NEW CALLING IN LIFE) chairs cost 40 dollars at an estate sale, spray paint 32 dollars for 8 cans!Walmart Rocks! Ikea curtains 40dollars with my handy gift card from mom! Thanks mami you Rock too!!!!!!! Then window treatment on other window by the dinning room free had one panel and cut it in half to make two window treatments! Now TCL Rocks for that!!!!!!! Dinning room table 10 DOLLARS YES on craigslist! That was a score! So ladies and gentlemen there you have it a makeover for 134 dollars!!!!!!!!

Warrior Mom!

I felt like a warrior mother today! You have very few days as a mother that everything goes smoothly. Today was one of those wonderful and very memorable days. When you feel like your an amazing person. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I watch a little girl named Abby. We got out the door as soon as she arrived and headed to Omsi where other mothers gather and watch their little ones go wild and learn about all kind of stuff, science, art, music, and water and sand of course! We go on a weekly bases and meet other moms there as well. So I met a friend there got my Starbucks because anyone who has 3 pulse kids deserves it. As we played and talked the kids got restless so I decided to go on a walk around the waterfront. We oh I mean I walked for a little under a mile with a kid on my back and two kids in the stroller. I went up a few hills and lets just say I am hurting since then!!!!!Then I needed to get some rice and soy yogurt for Bellla and Brasil. We headed to Whole Foods and found that they only had Bella's cookies but no yogurt. So I packed the kids in for the third time in the car and headed to New Seasons. (I hate shopping at both these stores its very expensive,but Bella has a lot of food allergies) Then unpacked all three car seat for the third or fourth time and got one of those caravan shopping carts and headed into the store while everyone watched me as I strolled in with my cute white baby! I felt like a proud parent oh wait I am just her babysitter! We went and got Bella yogi as she calls it and was amazed that they were on sale 89cents outstanding!So we bought 26 of them they eat two on a daily bases! Then we checked out and I felt on top of the world. So I screamed out the parking lot," we did it girls we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!"Hooray We did it and all of you acted right!!!!!!Thank you God in the heavens for this wonderful day." Simply beautiful and went home and cooked lunch and they took long naps! I felt accomplished today and that's funny in it self because being a mom is harder then it looks.

Family TIME

Yesterday we spent a whole hour with our kids just laying on the floor with them it was outstanding. We turned our 12 channels off and just kicked it on the floor. Bella got her blanket and got her daddy his blanket he has had since he was ten.(awe so cute) Bella rubbed my back and said go night night mommy. She is really cute and caring and Brasil could not stop climbing and moving over her daddy. It was a moment that was beautiful and lovely. We bonded! Family time is a precious thing we love it and go for walks or to the park on a daily bases. Tory and I get to talk on our long walks and the girls get to get out of the house and see nature.But yesterday we just were too tired to move and sat on the floor with them it was sooo fun. We really love thes two girls and then we randomly said a prayer of thanks for this family time and Bella started to pray for all the family and extended family it was very sweet. God must have been watching and smiling at Bella's sincere prayer of blessing for her family.

God is there when its dark

I have been through the toughest year since I became a christian. All that I believed in was into question through different trials. I have tried not to loose hope. But it has been tough. I felt like I just lost myself, my friends , my ideals, my house and my call. I am very independent person and through this experience I had to depend on God. When we moved to Portland my little girl Bella began to have chronic asthma attacks it was painful watching my baby not be able to breath. I was pissed at God for a few months. But in the mist of this my husband, family and my friend Rachel have been there for me. I felt like not leaving the house and if you know me that is bad!!!!!! So finally I had to ask God to forgive me and help me deal with life. I thought I was more spiritually fit but I have found myself more weak then ever before. It has been hard because I am a person that finds help and cries out for it. But I really did not have the strength. God has been close and again my husband Tory and my friend Rachel have been close as well. In darkness God seems to still speak and sends us special friends Rachel and Tory were them. I am coming out of that darkness and it feels good. But dark times is where your Christianity is really tested. You have a lot of time to think and ponder life in darkness. I have reflected a lot and forgiven a lot of not just others but myself as well. I have mentored a lot of women in my life time and I have realized that at times I was way to hard on them and also myself. I have worked hard for God and in that moment I lost my own Focus on God. Its weird how when your trying to do something good for The Lord or whatever cause you can loose your self in the mist. I have learned a lot and if I have ever offended any of you I am so deeply sorry. I have tried to keep growing in my walk with God and I have realized how undone I still am and how much I still need the Lord. I can be a self righteous at times I know. I grew up in a non christian family but I was always very moral and God has had to show me that my righteousness is nothing it still is dirty and needs Him. I truly have never felt like hurting anyone and in this hard and long season I have seen how hard I can be on others. I felt like I had to parade my righteousness on others. And I am done with that. I want to be Christ like and he is truly gentle and kind and full of grace for all of us. I want to be like him and know that there is standards but are not meant to be harshly presented. I love God and his people and want to always serve him in all that I do. Since I became a christian I have not stopped talking and this year has been a lot of me listening. I have discovered a new level of Gods Grace then ever before. As I have cried and was angry this year about not being where I thought I should be in life, He was there holding me through my friends and my husband being still and listening to my rants and whispering is a gracious voice its will be okay I love you, because you are are mine and I am committed to making you whole. Daughter I am here and I will never leave you or forsake you. You are not forgotten and this dark time is a time of refreshing and healing for you. Forgive and move forward. I am crying as I write because God is real and sooo good and tender and that is what draws me to him not his rules and regulations which are good but its his kindness that has been a shield to my heart in this season. I love you lord please continue your work in your servant.

Use what you have and make the most of it!

So we just bought a modest house in Portland Oregon. Its from the 1950's and its a ranch style house. I am thankful for it. I have been dying to decorate it and on one income that has been tough!(T works for a nonprofit) So I did not want to put anything up until we painted and did cool stuff to it.(Like the house is alive) Then one afternoon this week I decided enough was enough with the bare walls and no style to write home ABOUT! So I was desperate and got inspired. I searched in all my rooms (3) and even outside in the patio looking for stuff to decorate with. And guess what I found a lot of stuff! I could not believe it! I went shopping in my own casa!! So I went nuts while the girls napped.(thank God for naps, even though I did not believe in them at first) I picked up sofas with my bare hands and put up color with window coverings, I had already in the closet. Wow then I found a good find a 1950 yellow stepping stool that I used as a side table against the sofa.(which was outside left hear by the previous owner) I decided to get creative and make my casa look cute and not be held hostage any longer by the lack of money. It was like a Cinderella moment! Yes ladies and gentlemen you too might have stuff to reuse!(Wow I sound sooo Oregonian) For example a wooden TV tray can used as a side table and buffet and well anything you can imagine. Tory came home and said wow babe I love it. Those words are powerful to my ears after a long tiresome day of decorating on nooooooo budget! P.S spray paint in my best friend in the whole wide world it can transform any piece of ugly furniture you have! Have a wonderful time looking at all your stuff with bigger lenses! Also look on craigslist and thrift store and or moms casa!!!!

So I married my best friend!!

I just realized that I married my best friend. I am joking I have known this for years. Today when I got home Tory started to clean my car out. Its like he read my mind. That's what best friends do right? I had debated all day if I wanted to waste eight bucks to clean out my car. I thought," what if it rains," and," I can do something at Starbucks with eight bucks." So I went home with a dirty and nasty car. I was too cheap to get it cleaned. So when Tory started to do it I asked him, "why are you cleaning my car," and he responded because," I wanted to". Oh my boo he is too kind to me. I really have fallen more in love with my best friend (since high school) and it feels sooo good. I love growing old and finding out what you mate likes and needs. I guess seeing and being one is too cool.

Speechless

Today I was speechless my baby girl Brasil walked! She has been thinking about it for weeks now and finally decided it was her time, her moment in life to take her first steps. Her great ant was their to see and encourage her, because I was speechless. I simply could not talk it was like seeing history in the making and I was very joyous. You see, I missed Bella's first steps, and her performance was only witnessed by her daddy. So today I was thrilled to see this important moment. Her dad got the camera of course and we just took in the moment. Today was special and very exciting. Its also a window in how Brasil's personality will be, because she totally took her time! We didn't push her either, because I knew it would only make her mad at me.I love this girl.

Fits and mo Fits

Wow Bella is crazy! I had to write this down. She was playing with a bike today, and fell down and got up really angry. She kicked the bike and said, "No bike No," and I laughed because its something that I would do!!!! Hint hint she gets it from her mama. Anyhow to me its funny how these kids get the worst and best parts of you. Sometimes I just sit there and can't even get mad at her or know what to say because that's exactly how I would respond. Life is funny even when you think you can cover up an imperfection it still shows up to haunt you. I can get real fired up about stuff and its good and bad. Its bad when its at bank sitting in the car in line and its good when I see injustice and do something about it. But its been the fight of my life to keep that fire in check for the right moments. So I keep on trying to gain self control, so that maybe Bella doesn't have as many battles to fight in life. But it was sure funny seeing her fight with her bike today, later today it will be her doll or her sister or even me!

My Boo

I was just thinking of my boo today. I love him sooo much he really balances me in so many ways. He adds that spice that I need. When I first met Tory he was always different then the rest. I mean his taste in food, activities, and music. I love this about him because I grew up in a family that was and is very Latin. We love coffee and pan Dulce in the morning and beans and rice are a staple in all meals even breakfast.When we go out to eat its to our favorite Mexican restaurant. So when I met Tory and he wanted to go to a Vietnamese restaurant I held on tight for the ride of my life. I am very predictable in what I like and don't like and he is the total opposite. So I am challenged in my thoughts and views and taste and activities. He loves to garden? What thirty year old brother likes to garden. Wow that took me over the top! Its funny I always fight him and even make fun of him but in the end I end up loving the activity too. I am really a copycat according to him. He loves old cars, and really old anything.I love new its awesome feeling to sport new. But anyhow just wanted to share on how great its is to be married to someone to so opposite of me!!!!! P.S. the picture is of Tory learning to can peaches!Wow never a dull moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!