The Journey

I have been thinking lately how hard it is to walk with God when times are hard but when life is a bit boring or mundane. I stay home with the girls and at times can go crazy being home with two toddlers. I find it hard to at times to simply and faithfully walk with the Lord on a daily bases. I also have had a year to transition back to Portland and am getting into my grove again in life. But the last year was very difficult to accept and deal with. So all of last year was a year of transition and its was a time to reflect during nap times and a time to adjust to having two kids. One year later its getting easier and I a finding that a year of reflection and isolation had left me starved for human interaction. But I also learned valuable lessons in isolation. I learned I have been a work horse and that Tory and I needed to become more one in our marriage. I learned that I don't like change and that change is really good for me. I learned that I like things to go my way or the high way and that was hard to see in me but a great reminder that I still need the cross. I learned that I loved the approval of people above Gods. I learned that some of the ways I approached ministry must change and that is wonderful to the soul. I learned that I am a minister from the depth of my soul and that God had too challenge me on all fronts to bring me out a better wife, friend, and minister. I also learned that my daughter having asthma has been very hard to deal with but has kept me on my knees!!!!I don't know about you but I forget about God in Good times and in bad times I get angry with Him. I wish that were different, but hopefully I mature in time. I know He is patient though as I am with my daughters when they make a mess out of themselves. I have learned many lessons out of tremendous pain and pressure, but I feel like I have a better perspective on life and God then I have had since I got saved. He is a very loving and gentle father who sees our pain and longs to be with us an a intimate way. I love God for that. I live in a forest really we have like five huge fur trees in my backyard I have looked out in the morning or afternoon and remembered the greatness of God. My backyard reminds me of nature and how God made it for us and its a healing thing to be in it.I am from a worn torn nation, a dysfunctional family, and am a broken person, and when I think back on my history personally I see that God was there when I was sad, mad, happy, and angry!I love this God who does not falter even when we want to give up on life. I am so glad he does not fail and meets us when we are broken and need him the most. I love the Lord with all my soul and can now see through that darkness and am really excited about it the light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!!!!God has always some through for me in the last hour and its been great to see his working hand. I cant always see what he is doing but I love the results he brings me. I also pray that I can simply walk with him when I was younger I ran for God and with and from Him at times, now I want to walk, simply and faithfully walk with Him in Good Times and Bad Times. I want to mature in how I view life and trials.